


Promise

by NormalApplepieLife



Category: The Family (2016)
Genre: Abandonment, BDSM, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Bad Touch, Boys In Love, Brainwashing, Chains, Dom/sub Undertones, Dominance, Dysfunctional Family, Extremely Underage, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Gay, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Kidnapping, Like seriously be careful, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Possessive Behavior, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protectiveness, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Separation Anxiety, Sex Toys, Stockholm Syndrome, Submission, Touch-Starved, Triggers, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love, Vibrators, Worship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-07-27 15:34:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 19,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7624195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NormalApplepieLife/pseuds/NormalApplepieLife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Because The Family was an amazing show and had so much promise and I can't express how pissed I am that it's canceled*</p><p>"I'm coming to get it back."<br/>My heart stopped at those words, that voice. The one I never though I'd hear again, the only one that had ever mattered to me. </p><p>"Adam?" I whispered, too quietly for my fake family to hear. </p><p>---------------------------------------<br/>Ben's been through far too much in his 19 years. After 12 long years of being kidnapped with only his kidnapper and Adam for company, he's only ever wanted one thing. For the two of them to escape together. Adam had promised him that he would get them out, that Ben could come live with his family and it would be perfect. </p><p>Things don't turn out how they'd always dreamed. </p><p> </p><p>(Don't own The Family, but I wish it did so I could keep it going. This is just my take on what happened after the finale. Protect Ben forever, precious damaged innocent boy)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Surprise!

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise! Adam's alive?  
> Somebody please protect Ben.
> 
> (Also sorry if I get some details wrong. I pretty much only watched the scenes with Ben. So I might've missed some main pts. But I will be changing a few slight details. This will be boyxboy and will have rape content. I do NOT promote it and it sickens me. This is purely fiction and a story on how two boys recover)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The secret is revealed

"I'm coming to get it back."  
My heart stopped at those words, that voice. The one I never though I'd hear again, the only one that had ever mattered to me. 

"Adam?" I whispered, too quietly for my fake family to hear. 

"What?" The world was snarled, like it was the worst curse word he could think of. I couldn't help but flinch and my eyes started to water. "You thought you could just stab me in the back like that? After all we've been through, Ben! How fucking could you, you knew how much my family meant to me and you went and stole them anyway! You're going to pay for this!" _no_ \- no, please. I thought he was dead! I didn't do this to hurt him. I had to make him realize that. He was the one person in this world who I loved completely, who I would do anything for. 

I walked further away from the kitchen so I wouldn't be overheard by my- his family. "Adam, no-" I got choked up and felt the wetness on my face. I hadn't felt this much pain since _he_ told me Adam died. "No please, I thought you were dead, he told me-"

"I don't care what he told you! That didn't give you the right to steal my family from me!" The hatred in those words threatened to break me. 

"No Adam please, where are you? I'll come get you and bring you home. You can have them, I'll tell them everything and you can come home and be happy and please Adam, please don't hate me." I was full on crying now, covering my mouth and hoping with all my heart that he would listen. All I could see was the bunker. Adam pleading with me to get the key, me freezing in fear, the sick crunch when he hit his head... all the blood and most of all the crippling guilt I'd felt every day since. I thought I'd caused my best friend's, my brother's, my _everything's_ death. To know that he was alive and hated me? Out of all the horrible things that had happened in my life, this was the worst. This felt crippling. I'd do anything to make that voice happy again. 

"Please." I choked out, sliding down the wall and clutching at my hair. "Please, I'll leave if you want, I won't come back and you can be happy. Just please don't hate me Ad." 

There was a long silence and I was struck with a panic that he'd hung up when he finally answered. His voice was still mad, still so furious, but it was softer now. An echo of the little boy I'd grown up with. "Meet me at the park tomorrow. The one I was taken from. 10 am." 

The phone clicked and I burst into tears, curling in on myself. He was alive, Adam was _alive_. That bastard had lied to me, my fucking brother was alive!! I was so happy but my heart hurt so bad at the same time. He hated me for stealing his identity, his family, his life. God he probably thought I'd planned this all those years down there together. I couldn't even imagine what he was thinking about me and the guilt threatened to eat me alive. I'd already hated myself for causing Adams (apparently fake) death, but now it was multiplied by a thousand. I hated myself for giving up on him without even seeing a dead body myself. Who even knew where he went when the bastard took him away from me? 

But now he was here again and he actually agreed to see me. I knew I'd hate leaving the only people I knew- the people who had taught me what a real family felt like- even if they hated me anyway for being Ben and not Adam, but I would do it for him if he asked me to. In a heartbeat. I'd always done anything he'd asked me to do, or at least I had until that day. If the bastard never would've kidnapped Ad I never would have tried to escape. He'd always given me the strength to resist. I knew I was weak, I was fucked in the head and I still had an unhealthy attachment to the bastard who took us. Adam had always been the stronger one, who fought back every day and never gave up even after ten exhausting years. I was there on my own for two years before Adam came and after the first week I'd stopped fighting all together and tried to cope with my new life. 

Even when Adam was gone, when I thought he was dead, it was him again who gave me the strength to escape. When the bastard said he was going to replace Adam.. I just lost it. My Ad wasn't replaceable! He was my best friend in the world, the only one who'd ever cared about the real Ben Murphy. 

The only one I'd ever loved.

I slowly got up and went to the kitchen, putting the phone back. "Who was that honey?" Claire said in a sweet voice, one I knew I didn't deserve. 

I never deserved any of their love, even if I'd grown to care about them. I don't know how she'd forgiven me for what I'd done. 

I faked a smile, hating myself for my words. "Wrong number. I'm going to go to my room, I'm not feeling too good." 

"You okay buddy?" Dad- uh, John said worriedly, feeling my forehead. My heart clenched at the pure concern and love in his eyes. He wouldn't look at me that way if he knew... 

"Yeah. My stomach kind of hurts. I'm just going to stick to bed for the day." 

"Okay," Claire said with a slight frown. "Just let us know if you need anything" 

I smiled sadly at her, hating myself for not blurting out that her son, her precious little boy, was alive. But I couldn't, not yet. I had to ask Adam what to do first. He always knew what to do. 

"I will." I whispered and went to my- Adam's- room as quickly as I could. I headed straight for the closet and layed down in my makeshift bed, touching the walls. If I closed my eyes I could almost picture my home, the bunker. With Adam by my side, sweet smiles and warm hugs and soft kisses and love. Until our friend came down we lived in our own pretend world, or at least I had. I pretended that Adam was my family and that our friend just took care of us and what he did... it was just playing. Everything was okay as long as my brother was beside me. 

Tears fell to the floor and I curled in a ball, reaching under the pillow to grab that old boat tightly. It had been my only tie left to my best friend. But now I had another chance. I had to show Ad that I'd do anything and everything to make it up to him. 

_Anything._

I had trouble sleeping that night, too excited and terrified to see him the next day. The nerves were killing me but I could almost appreciate the twisted humor. I was nervous to see the kid that I'd spent every single second of ten years with. Funny. 

After what felt like an eternity it was only 5 am and I couldn't wait any longer. I changed into a plain tee-shirt, thick hoodie, gloves, and winter coat, quietly sneaking out of the house. At the park I sat on a lonely picnic table and I felt slightly more settled. This way even if I fell asleep I knew I wouldn't accidently miss him when he came. I couldn't risk sleeping in. It was chilly outside, the snow covering the ground in patches but I'd layered up, knowing the even though it was cold I couldn't make myself wait in that house any longer. 

Now all I had to do was wait for him. 

Five hours later and I was in the same position, only much more alert. I was rubbing my hands against my jeans, curling them again and again nervously. My eyes darted around the park wildly and I felt like I was about throw up any second. Where was he? He wouldn't not come... right? He wouldn't leave me here... 

Someone suddenly came up behind me and I startled. 

"Ben." Came the voice that I'd missed so much. 

"Adam." I whispered reverently, taking in every detail all at once. He was frowning, face not open like it once had been and his eyes were angry and accusing. His hair was so much shorter, not the dirty, shaggy mess of tangles that I remembered. He was as beautiful as always. The boy I'd looked up to for years. 

"You took- oof!" I couldn't help myself and flung my arms around him, burying my face in his shoulder and I couldn't hold back my tears, even after crying so much already. He smelled the same as he always has, slightly musky but now it was much less rank. He smelled like home, he _felt_ like home. I didn't want him to talk, to tell me how much he hated me because I didn't think that I could handle that. His arms hung at his side and his whole body was stiff. I just wanted him to hug me like he used to and tell me it was going to be okay. That he was going to take care of us. Just like he'd always promised me. 

Please don't hate me." I whispered brokenly, holding him tightly. 

His body relaxed slightly and his arms finally, _finally_ , wrapped around my back. I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and I melted in his arms. This was good, right? He wasn't throwing me down and hitting me like I deserved. He wasn't spitting insults in my face and tearing me to pieces. This was more than I couldve ever hoped for. 

"I don't hate you Ben." He said quietly and I could feel the rumble of his voice. "I thought I did for a while," I let out a loud sob and felt my chest tighten painfully at his words. "But I don't. I don't think I ever could. But hey," 

He pulled back enough to see my face and brought up a hand to the side of my head, forcing me to look him in the eyes. "I'm pissed at you. I'm fucking furious Ben. You took my life, made my family believe that you were me. Do you know how much that hurt? I thought you were the one person who'd always have my back. And that night when HE hurt me, why didn't you get the key? We came up with a great plan but you just left me hanging, you stabbed me in the back Ben!" 

I started crying harder at his words and I clutched his shirt in my hands tightly, afraid that if I let go then I'd never see him again. 

"I'm sorry." I whimpered. "I just- I- I froze. You were fighting and I don't know why but I couldn't move and then you were on the floor and there was blood and-" My breathing picked up rapidly as I relived that night and being left with Adams bloody, too hot, dying body. 

"Hey." He said in a much softer voice and he pulled me close again, running his fingers through my hair. "Ben, just breathe." 

But I couldn't, I had to tell him everything. I had to let him know how this all had happened. "He said you died and wanted to replace you so I escaped and then your sister- she- I just wanted them to know about you. You- you loved them so much and always talked about them so I told her and she came up with the plan. She- She gave me lessons on how to be you but then she backed out but I got scared and I thought it would maybe be okay if I just pretended to be- to be you and I'm so sorry Adam. Please don't hate me, please I'll do anything. Just tell me what to do." 

I looked at him desperately and there wasn't anger on his face anymore. Well, not much at least. He was looking at me just like he used to when I would go off about "our friend", when I tried to play the pretend food game and when I pretended like our lives were normal. That rape was just a game. 

I knew it was pity and heartbreak, that look. But it also meant that he cared about me and didn't hate me and I was so relieved that it almost hurt. 

"He told you I died." Adam said in a sad, quiet voice and it wasn't a question but I nodded. 

"He wanted to replace you." Was all I could say. 

"That's why you finally went through with an escape. How'd you do it?" His hand was still playing with my hair in the way he knew calmed me down and I leaned into it. He was my safe place. After months of being scared and alone, especially after the family (excluding John) knew the truth, I finally felt the fear go away. My chest felt warm and light and I looked at him with admiration. 

I may be older but he'd always been the big brother. 

"Stopped eating so I was skinny enough to slip off the bracelet and hit him with a bag of those bricks." I smirked at Ad and he let out a short, bittersweet laugh. "I... I almost didn't make it. He tried to pull me back down off the ladder twice. He almost got me again Ad." 

I'd never told anyone that. If I'd slipped just once on that ladder I never would've made it out and I'd still be stuck in that hole. Might've had an Adam replacement by now. I shuddered at the thought. 

"Ben," Ad tightened his grip on me and got that protective look of his. "Hes never gonna get us again. I may be pissed at you but I'll make sure he never gets near you again." 

I suddenly had to avoid his eyes, thinking of the secret blackmail meetings with the bastard. And Adam knew me too well. I could never hide anything from him. He frowned and looked all worried again. "What is it Ben? What did he do?" 

I thought back to the night he'd slipped into my room and flinched. He'd made me.. "He threatened to- he said he would- that if I didn't play with him he'd-" 

Adam suddenly shouted and turned around, slamming his fist on the table. "Fucking bastard! He's still fucking with you, god damn it! You know he can't hurt you now, why wouldn't you turn him in?" 

"He said he'd tell everyone I killed you..." I said so quietly I almost thought he didn't hear but he whipped around to face me. 

"Nobody would fucking believe that perverted liar, he'd be in jail for life Ben! Why would you let him scare you li-" 

"It was my fault!" I shouted at him. "I thought you were dead because of me. I thought I'd killed you. I- I didn't want to go to jail, to another cage. I'm sorry, I just couldn't risk it!" 

"Okay." He took a deep breath and pulled me into another hug. "Here's what were going to do, okay? Do you trust me?" His blue eyes met mine and I nodded frantically. He was the one person in the world I trusted. "We're going to go home. We're going to tell my family that I'm actually Adam and that you're Ben. I'm going to explain everything to them. Okay? I'll take care of it. It'll be just like I said. They'll take you in and we can share a room and actually be normal brothers." 

"They know already." I said and he frowned. 

"What?" 

"You're sister knew right away, this was all her idea at first. And then I told her the truth about what happened to you- that I'd killed you- and she told Claire. And then I was going to leave and I told Danny. The only one who doesn't know is John, I just couldn't... I couldnt." 

He stared at me blankly for a minute. "O-okay. That'll..that'll make it easier. Thats- that's good." I could see the hurt in his eyes and I panicked again. God, I hadn't meant to hurt him again! But he just seemed to shake it off, not willing to think about how his family had been willing to keep an imposter. But wait, did he just say he was going to let me stay?! 

"You're not going to kick me out?" I looked at him in surprise and he scoffed. 

"Ben, I don't forgive you. Not yet. But we'll get there, okay? You're still my best friend." I couldn't stop the smile on my face and I gave him one last hug before he grabbed my hand and started leading me out of the park. By now it was getting packed and people were staring, wondering why the new mayor's son was holding hands with a boy. Let then make their own conclusions, they'd all know the truth soon enough. 

We walked home quietly but I felt so much more settled than I had just hours ago. I still couldnt believe he was alive! He'd been my entire world for 10 years and I hadn't even realized how lost and broken I felt without him. When he'd "died" something inside of me had snapped. I'd reached my breaking point. 

But now he was back and he was going to take care of me, just like he'd always promised me. No more lies and fear. We could live with a real family and not live in terror anymore. No more daily rapes, no more chipping away at bricks. 

I felt him squeeze my hand. "What are they like?" 

I looked up at him and smiled. He looked nervous and excited. I knew how much this meant to him. All he'd ever talked about was his family so I knew how much they meant to him. 

"Well, they're all a little broken in their own way, but they're all pretty great too. Claire's a great mom. She loves you so much. When she thought I was you she was always hugging and kissing and worrying about me. She's so motivated to make the world a safer place so what happened to us never happens again.. I told her all about you when she found out I'm Ben. She hung onto my ever word Adam, like it was gold. John's the dad I wish I'd had. He plays catch with me and tries to make sure I feel safe. He gets it a little better than Claire. Willa's real smart, she just wants to keep her family safe. She makes really bad choices sometimes... I'm an example. But shes only trying to keep her family together, even when they were falling apart. I told her you didn't want her to blame herself but she still does, probably as much as Danny. He knew right away that I wasn't you. He's a drunk and I think losing you broke him a lot. Your parents stopped being there for him and even blamed him so he's kind of a drinker now but he's still a great guy. He took me driving and taught me poker and protected me at the mall when our frien- when the bastard saw me." 

Adam was hanging onto my every word, looking troubled but with a soft smile. "They love you so much Ad. I could never have lived up to that. You've always been so much better than me." 

He shook his head and pulled me closer, putting his arm around my shoulder as we walked. "Ben, that son of a bitch fucked you up good, you are so much stronger than you think." 

I just smiled at him and shrugged, not believing the words but appreciating them nonetheless. We slowed our steps as we came to the driveway. He took a deep breath and took my hand again. We stopped at the door and could hear voices from inside the house.  
"Willa, could you go get Adam up? We're making his favorite breakfast" That was mom. "I hope he's feeling better, poor guy. Looked so sick yesterday." Dad. 

Adam's face lit up like I'd never seen before and I opened the door for him, leading him into the kitchen. Mom was setting the table, which Danny was sitting at already, glaring at the wall blankly. After I'd admitted who I was he hadn't said much to anyone. Dad was at the stove and Willa was just turning around to go wake me up. She squeaked when she saw me with another person. 

Dad looked up from his cooking. "Oh, Adam. Who's your friend?" 

"This... is Adam." I said quietly and everyone froze, staring at their son, their brother, standing right next to me. Alive. 

I looked at his and his hands were trembling, his eyes watering. "Mom?" 

Claire unfroze and gasped, rushing over to her son and hugging him so tight it looked like it hurt. "My boy. My baby boy. I thought you were dead, Ben said you were dead!" She was sobbing loudly and Willa was covering her mouth, still frozen in shock. Danny was looking from Adam to me, like he just couldn't wrap his head around it. 

John just looked so confused. "Adam, what are you talking about? Claire, that's not-" 

"My name's Ben." I interrupted him and it hurt so bad. I'd never play catch with him or have those protective hugs again. This wasn't my family, as much as I wished it could be. "I was never Adam. We were held together. I- I thought he was dead..." 

Willa finally unfroze and ran over to hug her brother and Danny stood up and walked over slowly, reaching out to touch his little brother, like he couldn't believe he was real. "How do you get the boats into bottles?" He asked urgently. 

Adams shifted his head so he could look at his big brother and smiled widely. "You have to collapse the masts." 

Danny laughed and squeezed his family in his arms, joining the group hug. I backed up slowly, feeling so out of place. They all looked so happy, happier than they ever were with me and I knew that they had all sort of known that I wasnt their brother and son. They'd never looked that happily at me in the hospital and my heart hurt even though I knew I had no right to feel that way. 

This. Wasn't. My. Family. 

The only family I'd ever had was Adam and our friend. I knew he was a sick bastard. I hated him and wanted him dead but at the same time I loved him in a twisted way and didn't want to police to catch or hurt him. After all, he was all I'd known most of my life. I'd been kidnapped when I was 6 years old. I had two years with only my friend as company and that was something Adam never understood. My friend was the only parental figure I'd ever had, the only one to tell me he cared about me. And I still believed him, even after everything. 

I knew I was fucked in the head because of him. But I also knew I couldn't change how I felt. Adam had spent years trying to do just that but it never worked. 

"Wait a second, what the hell is going on? You're telling me that the boy that came back to us wasn't Adam? That he's just been faking it this whole time? Screwing with us?" John shouted in frustration and confusion, his eyes finding mine. He looked so confused and when I didn't reveal that I was joking they got angrier and angrier. I backed up ever more until my back hit the wall. 

"I'm sorry.." 

"You sick bastard!" He exploded and I flinched back, hitting my head on the wall but the pain was nothing compared to the knife twisting in my chest. Adam's head shot up and he yanked himself out of his happy family bubble, years of protective instincts kicking in. All of a sudden I was 10 years old again and Adam was standing in front of me, protecting me from our friend who was pissed at our latest break out attempt. He'd taken so many hits and whippings and rapes for me. He'd always been my hero. 

"Don't you yell at him!" My best friend shouted at his dad and I knew that had to be so hard. I knew he just wanted to run into the older man's arms and revel in the bliss of finally coming home. The fact that he'd delay that just to protect me... I felt a rush of love for my best friend. 

"Okay, everyone calm down." Claire said in a calm voice, staring at her not so little boy like he was an angel sent from heaven. "John, the boy who's been living with us is Ben but now.. now our baby boy's finally come home. Its a miracle so you just shut up and don't question it." The family got misty eyed and they all hugged again, this time with John joining in and they were all crying, 10 and a half years of separation and agony finally done with. 

I started backing towards the door. Adam didn't need me here. Nobody did. I was just the imposter who tried to become someone else. I might as well go find my friend again... at least he actually wanted Mr. 

"Ben! Where're you going?" Ad's voice broke my thoughts up. He was smiling at me, happier than I'd ever seen him and it made my heart feel all warm. He deserved this. He deserved to be this happy all the time. "Get over here, I told you you weren't going anywhere. I have a promise to keep, remember?" 

An hour later found us all in the living room, talking everything through. Danny and John kept shooting me hateful looks and the women were too busy taking Ad in to even think about me. Adam did most of the talking as I was too nervous to say a word. He explained the bad choice he'd made that day, how he was kidnapped, when he woke up in the bunker and how I'd taken... care of him? What? I was positive it had been the other way around. 

"Ben tried to make things easier for me. He'd play these games to help me imagine I was somewhere else and that things weren't so horrible. He tried to protect me for as long as he could but eventually HE came and that illusion was shattered. But he still tried to convince me that everything would be okay and tried to keep the bastards attention on him and not me. I don't think I ever thanked you for that Ben." After that Ad's dad and brother's glares softened. They'd almost forgotten the absolute hell and torture we'd gone through. It was hard to be mad at a kid who'd been raped most of his life. 

Adam skipped most of the nasty, painful details and got to that dreadful night. The one that I still had nightmares about and would never forgive myself for. 

"I was so mad when that tunnel was a dead end. But I came up with another plan. I- The bastard came down and we convinced him to get close enough to look at Ben's arm and I strangled him with the chains. Ben was...-" 

"I froze." I choked out. I was curled up against Adam, refusing to look anywhere but the floor. I wouldn't be able to handle the hate once they realized what I'd done. 

"Well, HE and I fought and he slammed my head and it cracked. I passed out." 

"I thought you were dying." I didn't mean to talk but it just came out and I couldn't stop the words. "He just _left_ you there, bleeding out, and I tried so hard to help but I couldn't do anything. He was gone for days and then he finally took you and said you were dead. I thought you were _dead_ ." I broke into tears again. "There was so much blood." 

I felt his arms wrap around me and buried my face in his shoulder. "Hey, I'm here Ben. I'm here. He lied to you." 

Adam went on to tell them what I'd told him about my escape and then he looked at Willa uncertainly and she closed her eyes and sighed. She had to come clean. It was just so painful to look into her brother's, her alive brother's, eyes and explain to him that it was her idea to replace him with a stranger. After she was done I'd calmed down but Ad's arms were still around me and I didn't want that to ever end. 

"The point is that I'm home. But if I'm home that means he stays too cause he's my brother and I promised to look after us both." 

"Adam, buddy, I don't know." Dad said quietly. He couldn't get angry at his youngest son. He just still couldnt get over all the information he'd just gotten. 

"He lied to us. Straight to our faces! He pretended to be you, Ad." Danny shouted and started pacing. "He's crazy, who even does that?" 

"If he goes I go." Adam said quietly and I looked at him in shock. He didn't mean that. He'd been dreaming of coming home for as long as I knew him and now he was here. He did it! He could live here forever and kick me out. It was me that the bastard was obsessed with still anyway. He didn't even have to worry about him anymore. Why would he leave this? I'd already let him down twice... I didn't deserve him. 

"If he goes. I go." Adam said firmly and that was that. 

That was how Adam came home. 


	2. Cuddles and Drama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has nightmares and Adam gets protective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning*! Sexual content in this chapter, in the flashback. Between man and child so if it makes you uncomfortable then just skip to present. I DONT condone this and it was very hard to write

_Flashback_   
"I've been working on the raillroad, alll the livelong dayy. I've been working on the raillroad just to pass the time awayy."

Adam paused his work, staring at the damn bricks we'd been chipping at for who knows how long. Days blurred together, the only way to count time down here was in sleeps. It could've been weeks, months, years and we wouldn't even know. How many years had I been here...? He looked at me with those big, scared eyes. They didn't have that pure, innocent look anymore, not since our friend had first visited to play with him. Our friend liked to switch it up, taking turns between the two of us. So it went me, then Adam, then me again. Adam didn't like to play with him at all. I cringed, thinking of last night, hearing Adam scream and cry and beg me to help but there was nothing I could do. There never was. The bracelet wouldn't let me go far and our friend was so much stronger than us. All I could do was watch and cry for my best friend. 

I didn't scream like him anymore. 

"Do you think this'll work?" He asked me quietly, sad eyes begging me to give him hope. And this is what I was best at; pretending the bad things in our life didn't exist. If you pretended everything was okay, then it was almost like it was. Don't think of the Outside and you won't feel too sad about it. Adam didn't realize that yet but I was hoping he would soon.

"Yeah." I said in a happy voice, but unable to look at my best friend in the eyes. "Of course."

He just stared at me for a while and I went back to work. "You're a really bad liar Ben." 

I bit my lip and kept at my chipping. I couldn't think of anything else to say. When Ad got like this there wasn't much I could do to help. I just really hoped he didn't get all sad again. He did this weird thing where he would just stare at nothing and not react when something happened. Our friend really didn't like that and punished both of us real bad for it. My back still stung from the last time. Sometimes I just wished that my companion would give up on this whole escape idea. I knew it wasn't ever going to happen, especially now. We were just kids. Underweight, malnourished, unhealthy kids and our friend was a really big man who had no trouble holding us down and...

I just wished Adam would stop. It would make us get punished less. I was so tired of hurting.

I looked over at the boy and panicked when I saw the tears starting to fall. No, this was how the zoning out depression started! "No, not now." I muttered and grabbed Adam's hand, leading him over to his mattress. I gently helped him lay down and pulled the threadbare blankets up to his neck, getting mine too in the hopes that he could borrow under them. I really hoped our friend wouldn't be able to tell. As long as he thought Adam was asleep then everything would be fine. I was just so happy that it was my turn to play tonight. It hurt bunches, but at least Adam could rest and would wake up tomorrow and everything would be okay again. 

I put the forks back in their places and dusted the brick residue on the floor away, so it just looked like a part of the dirt floor. "Just pretend to sleep Adam, okay?" I said quietly, stroking his hair and tucking him in as best as I could, wiping his tears with the blankets. "When our friend comes just let us play and don't move, don't try to help. It'll just make things worse right now. I'll tell him you're tummy hurts." I kissed his forehead. "Feel better Ad." 

I stayed there beside him, stroking his hair until his sobbing quieted down and then I scooted back to my mattress, taking a book to make myself look busy. It was almost time. 

A little while later I heard the door creak open and bright light blinded me for a minute. When my eyes adjusted I saw our friend's face and couldn't help but shoot a worried look at the boy across from me. He looked like he was sleeping, but I wasn't sure if he was or not. Good. 

"Hi." I said in my quiet voice. "What'd you bring?"

My friend smirked at me and set the bag down in the dirty corner that I called my kitchen. He set out some bland food that we always ate. Bananas, dry cereal, water bottles, bread, and... jam! I was so surprised when I saw that and I couldn't help but smile.

"Have we been good?" I asked slightly more loudly, feeling excited. I couldn't wait to serve Adam breakfast tomorrow. Jam and bread, what a treat! And then I saw him bring out a new book and I beamed. Ad was going to be so happy! This would definitely bring him out of his funky mood. He loved reading. 

"You have been very good." My friend said in a soft voice and made his way over to me. The smile on my face faded as he sat next to me and stroked my hair tenderly. So tonight he wasn't going to play rough with me. That was good! I liked our gentle playing a whole lot more. "So very, very good. My special boy." He murmured and leaned closer to me, placing a kiss on the corner of my mouth. 

I got the same conflicting feelings I always did when this happened. I liked being praised and every time he called me good I couldn't help but be happy that he thought that.. but every time he got physical I felt sick in my tummy. I didn't like how his mouth felt on mine, how his slimy tongue forced its way passed my lips, but I knew I was in for a long night when his hands started to travel downwards.

"Oh sweet boy, you'll always be my favorite." He whispered in my ear and kissed my neck. I started to zone out and before I knew it my shirt and pants were off. We weren't allowed to wear underwear, it was too much trouble for him. His hands were all over me, one rubbing over my chest and the other sliding down to my private... or not so private place. He said I wasn't allowed to have privacy anymore, that I was too special to have privacy. When his fingers went inside me I made a small noise of protest but then his other hand grabbed my dick. I used to call it a willy but he told me that it was really called a dick. He said it was hot when I called it that which didn't make sense to me. What did temperature have to do with anything?

I would never tell Adam this, but whenever my friend would play with my dick I felt really weird, but it wasn't bad. It was a really, really good weird actually. I was pretty sure that wasn't supposed to happen though and I was really sure that Adam never felt what I did. His screaming proved that he didn't like one thing about this at all, so I'd made myself a promise to never tell him how this felt to me. Yeah it hurt when my friend stuck his dick in my bum but then he would play with my dick and it wouldn't be too bad. Plus he'd left the ceiling door open so I had a clear view of my beautiful red dragon. 

Eventually, he decided I was ready enough to stick it in and he was in the mood to go nice and slow tonight. These were my favorite nights cause it didn't hurt nearly as bad as when he was angry or in a hurry, when he didn't even stretch my bum at all and didn't use the weird jelly stuff. I'd thought it was some kind of food at first but when I'd asked that my friend only laughed at me and gave me a deep kiss, telling me that I was adorable. He forced it inside, his entire body covering mine, one hand holding himself up while the other time closed around my throat. He liked it when I had trouble breathing which I really hated but there wasn't much I could do. On the slow nights it wasn't so bad, just tight enough that it felt like there was a collar around my neck. 

He started his thrusting and I stared over his shoulder, looking at Adam to make sure he was still sleeping and to my dragon to make sure it was still there for me. I started to feel that warmth in the pit of my belly when he started to play with my dick again and I couldn't stop the noises that escaped my lips, little gasps and breathless groans. He said he loved that I made lots of noise, said it turned him on and he called me a slut and a whore, but I wasn't sure what they meant. Grown ups sure used funny words. I didn't know what they meant but I guessed it was good cause then he was super nice to me after and I would much rather him be happy than mad. 

The warm feeling burned hotter and my noises grew so loud that I had to bury my face in his shoulder to muffle them. I didn't want to wake Adam up. He needed his rest to feel better cause it was going to be his turn tomorrow and I knew how much he fought it every time. He always tired himself out doing that. 

The warmth got to be too much when his hand on my privates sped up and the really good feeling took over me, forcing me to bite his shoulder to keep my loud groan muffled. He sped up and I felt the warm splash of his gift (thats what he called it) inside of me while my small body convulsed beneath him. He collapsed on top of me, pinning me to the floor so hard that I had trouble breathing. He was a heavy man! 

"You were such a good boy Ben, just like always. My special baby boy." He leaned up and grabbed my hair, lazily forcing me to kiss him for a good while longer. "So good I'm going to bring you another treat tomorrow, something for your brother too. What would you two like?" He started stroking my hair, still inside of me. 

"Um, he likes those workbooks. Maybe you could please get him a big math one maybe?" I felt so nervous, afraid I was making too big of a request and that he'd get mad at me. He'd never actually asked what we would like to have as a reward before and I thought about what else Adam would like to have, so I could use my request to give it to him. 

He gave me another kiss. "That's reasonable. And for you, baby boy?" 

"Um, a chess board? We're out of games to play and its just a little boring now. Is- is that okay? If you don't like it then you don't have to-"

Another kiss, this time on my forehead and he pulled out of me, helping me get dressed again in my ratty, dirty clothes that hung off of my skinny body. He said he liked me skinny, that it made us prettier and sexier. He brushed my too long bangs out of my eyes. "A workbook and a chess board. I'll even throw in a special treat for my special boy. Now if only you could teach you're brother how to be as good as you, then I wouldn't be forced to teach my boys a lesson. You could get even more gifts. Sounds good, huh? What do you say?"

I quickly glanced at Adam to make sure he wasn't looking before leaning up to kiss my friend's lips obediantly. "Thank you daddy."

_Present_

"Ben! Ben, wake up. Wake up!!" I was being shaken really hard and I was instantly aware that my sheets were soaked. I groggily opened my eyes, feeling relief hit me like a truck as soon as they met familiar blue ones. 

"Adam, go back to bed. Need your rest for tomorrow." I muttered, flopping my head back down but he just shook me harder and I jerked awake, forced back into reality. No bunker, no sex, no frien- bastard. And there was my best friend, eyebrows creased in worry. I was sweating buckets.

"Jesus, Ben, I couldn't wake you up. You were having a nightmare."

"I...was?" I reached up to rub my eyes, struggling to remember my dream. 

"Yeah, you kept tossing around and screaming. You haven't had one like that in years Ben... which memory?"

I shook my head, confused I'd reacted so badly to a relatively tame dream. It was by far one of the best memories I had of the bunker when the bastard was with us. That night I hadn't been beaten or yelled at at all and I'd held onto that for a long time. If I was being honest with myself, which I rarely was, then I still was holding onto it, along with many more... I knew now how fucked up that was but it didn't help me change how I felt. 

"It was years ago, back when we were kids. You weren't awake for it though and it wasn't really that bad. Just sex and rewards. It was nothing." My voice was rough and groggy. Living in a nice, safe house had really lowered my defenses. I was no longer able to jump awake in seconds. I'd gotten cozy, relishing sleeping in until whenever I wanted. It was a dangerous way to be. Every time I'd gotten relaxed in the bunker and thought that the pain and punishments were over they'd return with a vengeance and every time I got comfortable here, in Adams home, some horrible secret ruined it.

Adam frowned again. I really had to find a way to get him to loosen up again. He always took things so seriously and all I'd ever wanted to do was to take some of that crushing weight off if his shoulders, to make him stop stressing so hard. He'd always worried about me way too much. I'd never deserved it from him either and I knew I never would. I knew I idolized Adam, what I told Willa had been dead wrong. I'd never hated my friend, not even for one second in the ten years we'd been kept together. I'd idolized him almost from the moment I'd met him and it had only grown throughout the years. 

If he asked me to kill someone I would do it without a second thought. I'd almost forgotten about how devoted I was to him before he'd 'died', but now that he was here it returned with a vengeance. And this time I had the added guilt of not obeying him that horrible night, which had hurt him so bad that I'd lost him for months. Being alone was terrifying and trying to make decisions on my own made me want to break down and cry. It had been so hard not to go running back to the bunker, to the home I'd had for most of my life. It was partly the reason I hadn't turned the bastard in. I needed either him or Adam, but now that I knew my brother was safe my sick attachment to our torturer was dampened severely. 

Adam raised an eyebrow and gave me that look, the one that promised he didn't believe my bullshit. "Wanna try that again?" 

I sighed and wiped at my eyes, catching the stray tears that for some reason had fallen from my eyes, I hadn't even noticed that I was crying in my sleep. "Remember years ago, when we got the chess set and math book? The jam?"

His frown got deeper. "Yeah. You said you just had sex with him, that you just didn't fight. I never bought it though.. You never fought. What'd he really do?"

I avoided his eyes and rolled over onto my other side, my back facing him. I couldn't meet his piercing eyes, that I couldn't bring myself to lie to. It didn't help that I could feel them staring at me intensely. Damn those gorgeous, sincere, intense eyes. I could never resist them for long. I spoke so quietly that he had to lean forward to hear it, even though he was only a few inches away anyways. "Its...it's not what _he_ did. It's what.. its what _I_ did."

I felt strong, protective arms wrap around my middle and one hand threaded its fingers through my own. I hadn't even realized that they'd been shaking. After all these years I never wanted Ad to know my secret shame, the thing that kept me up countless nights, guilt eating me away slowly. But I couldn't keep anything from him anymore. If I wanted his forgiveness and redemption then I had to have no secrets from him. Screw my own pride. 

"What could you have possibly done?" He said in a slightly sarcastic, incredulous tone. 

"I liked it." My whispered words wavered and my voice cracked halfway through but he heard me despite it. His thumb, which had slowly been stroking my hand froze and his entire body stiffened, becoming a tense board behind me. 

I held my breath, afraid that if I moved even a little then he would hit me like I deserved and call me sick, would curse me for letting the bastard turn me into a perverted monster, just like himself. 

"I-Im so sorry Adam. I tried not to but he... I really tried not to." Was all I could say. 

I couldn't lie to him now, not when I'd vowed to never betray him again, even if it meant that I would lose him forever. I started to shake and tried to focus on keeping my breathing even but couldn't stop it from becoming quicker, feeling the tears start to come faster. 

Right when I thought that he would get up and leave (at best), his arms around me got tighter, him pulling me more securely against his chest. I felt that deep fear that had clawed and burrowed itself in my chest release, evaporating at the touch of my Savior. He knew my old, dirty little secret, the only one I'd ever kept from him, and he hadn't pushed me away. He'd brought me in _closer_. 

His thumb went back to its stroking and I borrowed back against him, soaking up all the love and affection I felt from him. I didn't want to miss a second of it. We fit together perfectly, my body fitting against his like a puzzle piece. I felt so at home here, wrapped in his arms just like I had been so many times before, with the walls nice and close, only this time there was no fear of the bastard coming to ruin the moment. 

"It's not your fault Benny." I smiled at my old, affectionate nickname. "I looked it up after I got better and you couldn't help but react to him. How you feel isn't your fault, okay? Did they explain Stockholm syndrome to you?"

"Kind of. They make me go to therapy. But you never felt like that so I didn't understand. Why only me?"

I felt him sigh. "You didn't have anyone else. I had my whole family and I knew what real love was like. I knew that what he was doing was wrong and all I wanted was my mom and dad. You didn't have anyone, not one person. He was the only person you had and you couldn't help but get attached. You couldn't help it Ben."

I clutched his hand tighter. "Promise?"

"Yeah." I felt him kiss my my cheek gently. "You have me now, he's not going to mess with you anymore."

I'd had Adam's family and even the police tell me that same exact thing but this was the first time I actually believed the words. The cops were repeatedly incompetent and unreliable and the family just still didn't get it. Adam would protect me with everything he had. 

I fell back asleep, feeling truly safe for the first time in a long time. 

A few hours later a knock on the door woke us up. We'd shifted during the night so that I was slightly onto of him, my face buried in the crook of his neck with my arm laying across his chest. His arms were still wrapped firmly around me. The door to our closet opened and I squinted up at Claire, slightly annoyed she'd interupted my peaceful sleep. She looked a little surprised to see how comfortably intimate we were with each other. To be honest we didn't even think about it anymore, we'd always been very affectionate with each other, never afraid to get touchy feely. If anything the bastard had encouraged it, even sickly enjoyed it.

"Goodmorning sweetie." She said in a loving voice, still in awe of her real returned son. 

"Morning mom." I heard him rumble, but didn't shift his arms away from me. Instead, they got tighter and I peaked up at his face. He had a challenging look in his eyes, just daring Claire to say something about our position. She seemed to get the message. 

"There's breakfast downstairs. Just take your time, come down whenever you're ready." She reached out a little, looking like she wanted to say more or even tear him away from me so she could hug him instead but she resisted the urge. Not that I could blame her. Adam hugs were the best hugs. 

There was a long, heavy silence before she finally left and I looked up at my friend curiously, surprised to see the troubled look in his eyes. "What is it?"

His lips were pulled down in a frown and I was afraid that he'd forgotten how to smile. His smiles always made me feel so happy. "I'm finally home, but they're strangers. I barely even recognize them..."

"They love you." Was all I could think to say. My social skills had gotten a little better but I still was really bad at talking to people. Luckily Adam understood. He knew me so well. 

"They love the 8 year old who got kidnapped." He started stroking my hair and I let out an embarrassing moan, not even able to get annoyed at the smug smirk on Adam's face. God, I'd missed this so much. He knew how much I loved him playing with my hair, how easily it relaxed me and made me feel good and he never hesitated to take advantage of it in the best way possible.

"Shut up." I muttered into his shoulder, but couldn't think of anything to make him feel better because... as sad as it was it was true. Adam had grown into a completely different person than the little boy they'd remembered, who'd only cared about toy ships and baseball practice. I gave his cheek a small kiss and he turned to me, smiling softly and kissing me on the lips. I relaxed even more at the tender gesture. I'd been so afraid that he was so angry that he would never do that again, that the closeness we'd once shared was gone forever, but he'd just proved me wrong. 

I smiled into the kiss and he pulled back after one last peck. "Let's go eat." 

We got up and dressed into casual clothes, or as casual as rich people got. I'd convinced them to buy me sweats and t-shirts to sleep in, so I pulled those on and gave Adam a pair too. He grabbed my hands and pulled me into another kiss, surprising another moan out of me. He pulled back with that damned smirk, that told me he was so pleased with himself and made me go all weak in the knees. The bastard's kisses never made me feel this way and I cherished it. That he had never been able to steal at least this one thing away from me. "Still so cute."

"Should- how should we act around them?" I asked before he opened the door and he paused, knowing what I meant.

"If they don't like it then they're going to get over it. I love my family but you're my family too Adam. Besides, I'm an adult now. They can't make me do anything, or you either for the matter." I just nodded, I knew they wouldn't be happy about it but I believed Adam, I always believed Adam. If he said he wouldn't let them come between us then I utterly trusted him. 

He kept a strong grip on my hand on the way downstairs and his entire family perked up when we entered the room, so happy to see the prized child safe and home again. I saw different emotions in their eyes as they noticed our entwined hands and how Adam automatically stood slightly in front of me and how I stood so close to him that we were always touching. It looked very intimate and wasn't hard to realize that we were closer than just friends or pseudo brothers. 

Claire, tense but reluctantly accepting, Willa, surprised but strangely... understanding, John, bewildered, then angry, then sad, and Danny, unreadable. It was like staring at a blank wall with utter lack of response on his face. I was almost afraid that we'd broken him which I didn't want at all. Out of all of them, for some reason, I liked Danny the most. He was smart and realized that I wasn't his brother almost immediately and I felt almost thankful to him for that, for being such a good older brother to the friend I'd thought was dead. But even though he had so many doubts about me was still nice to me. He let me drive his car and was willing to teach me poker, the kinds of things he would have done for Adam. 

He'd been the neglected one. Parents too obsessed with a long lost son that they'd emotionally crippled their only one left with so much anger and guilt that he'd been fucked for life with a drinking and trust problem. I felt like I'd owed him the truth, he deserved that much. 

Adam dragged me over to the table and sat us down, dragging my chair significantly closer to his, looking around at his family to see if anyone would challenge him. Nobody did but there was a tense feeling left in its wake. "Well, we made French toast and bacon. We know how much you hated eggs, so I just wanted to make you something nice."

I couldn't help but let out a small laugh and Adam smirked, both of us feeling bittersweet but appreciating the twisted humor. 

"What's wrong, is that okay? We could make something else." Claire fretted, afraid she'd upset her son, but he just shook his head. 

"No mom, that's perfect. It's just a game we used to play. One of the first things you ever said to me." Adam softly smiled at me and we both were transported back in time, to the first round of pretend food. "Let's just hope you're a better cook than Ben."

I pouted. "I was 8, its not my fault I burnt the bacon."

He just rolled his eyes and nudged me, placing a kiss on my cheek and I was almost shocked at his boldness. Everyone else was just lost. 

"I thought that.. place didn't have an oven." Willa spoke up in confusion. 

We laughed and looked at each other. Adam decided to explain, sensing that I didn't want to speak much, still afraid they'd all turn on me for what I'd done. If I layed low and didn't make much fuss, they might forget I was even there. "Oh it didn't, it was just this game Ben made up to make things a little better. We usually only had simple food and it didn't change much. Plain bread, store doughnuts, gas station fruit sometimes. So my first night I wake up and he's there and asks me what I want. Pancakes and eggs or French toast and bacon. I hate eggs so I picked what were having today, apparently. It was just half a stale doughnut, but he made it taste a little better. He always made things better." He trailed off a little there and everyone grew somber. The family liked to not think about what we'd gone through, the torture and the hell we hadn't been allowed to escape from. 

While they were up here, eating their French toast and sleeping in their warm beds we were in a dark hole, having our asses raped every night and eating basically scraps. 

"Your mom's a really good cook though." I said quickly, trying to make Adam a little happier. "Just like you always said." 

Danny was still looking at us in his strange way. "So.. am I the only one who's going to ask? Are you two together? How's that even _happen_?" 

"Danny!" Willa hissed in exasperation but I wasn't too worried. He didn't say it meanly, it was more curious and bewildered and honestly it made sense. We'd been repeatedly raped by a man for years so I understood how strange it seemed that we both had turned out gay, or at least halfway. I knew I had no attachment to girls. I could appreciate beauty but felt nothing sexually for them. I wasn't so sure about Adam, it wasn't like we'd even seen a girl down there. Had he never been caught he could have turned out fully straight or maybe he still was. Maybe he only liked me. And I wasn't ever going to admit the little thrill that went through me at that thought. 

I stroked my thumb over Adams hand, to let him know that Danny wasn't being mean, to not get angry at him. I knew Ad's biggest fear was his family rejecting him. 

"I love Ben." He said simply, as if that was all the explanation they needed. 

Ad's brother just glanced between us before he nodded and shrugged. "Fair enough."

"Hold on." John said suddenly and we both stiffened. "How the hell are you gay? After everything that you went through.. how? Did Ben ever, did he manipulate-"

"No!" Adam shouted and stood up, enraged. "How dare you! You don't have any idea what we went through. I thought... Ben told me that you stop looking for me but I never believed him. But you did. You weren't there so you don't get to say anything, do you understand me? Dad, I love you and I missed you so much, but Ben means everything to me."

I looked up at him in shock. How could he still feel like that, after all the times that I'd betrayed him? Adam was too good for me, too good _to_ me. 

"But he manipulated us Adam. He was with you for _years_ and he didn't say anything. He let us believe... I've been treating that stranger as my son and he enjoyed it! And then I find out that my family's in on it? He's sick, son, he's-"

"Shut up." Adams voice went dark and cold and I bit my lip, eyes darting back and forth between father and son. I didn't want this, I'd never wanted to get in between my best friend and his family. "You don't get to say one bad word about him. You all were living like kings while we were treated like toys, like slaves, like animals. You never would've survived like we have, so shut your damn mouth. I believed in you... don't make me regret it even more."

"But he-" 

"I know what he did!" Ad shouted and banged his hands on the table. I flinched and felt my eyes tearing up. I always hated it when my best friend got like this, I only ever wanted him to be happy but I kept screwing up. I was always the one who stood in the way of his happiness. "I know he lied, that he stole my life. And he knows I'm pissed. But he knows I love him more than anyone else in this world. So go ahead and say one bad word about him. I dare you. Cause if you do you'll lose me again." 

"Adam." I said in a small voice and when he looked at me his face softened, seeing my fear and distress. He brushed the hair out of my eyes and sat back down, taking my hand with both of his. 

"Can we please just have a nice breakfast now?" Claire said wearily but shot her husband a furious glare, for ruining their son's first day back. "John, don't you have that meeting to get ready for?" She said in a strained voice and the man just stood there for a moment before he left, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

"Now," She brightened and smiled warmly at her son and fake son. "How many pieces would you like?" 

Breakfast went much more smoothly after that. We all stuck to light conversation, steering away from the tragic past and uncertain future. What surprised me the most was how kind and open Danny was being with me. I'd expected him to hate me the most but he was being just as nice to me as he was to his brother. Just now he was playfully arguing with Willa about something stupid and trivial and I silently laughed at his expression, being shocked when he noticed me looking and shot me a friendly wink. Adam kept moaning around every bite of his food and his mom got that heartbreak look on her face, quickly trying to hide it. I didn't know what exactly had happened to Ad after the bastard took him away, but he obviously hadn't been eating much better. 

When we were done he grabbed my hand and dragged me to the living room, excitedly turning on the TV. That was another thing he'd missed so much, he talked about it so much I'd gotten headaches but we'd made another game of it. Adam would tell me, in great detail, story versions of the shows he'd watched before he was captured and then we would act them out. His favorite one to act out was the power rangers. 

He settled into the couch and held me closely against him so that I wouldn't be able to pull away if I wanted to, which I never would anyway. I sighed happily as he stroked my hair (the jerk) and cuddled closer to him. Claire came into the room and smiled, going to another room for a moment and returning with a blanket, which she draped over us. 

"Thank mom." Adam flipped through the channels, finally settling on the morning cartoons, the old kind that he was familiar with. 

She just kissed his head and, after a moment of hesitation, kissed mine too. I startled but she still had that smile on her face. "Thank you for loving my son." Were her only words before she left us alone to go wash the dishes. 

Willa had left for work and Danny was about to leave the house. He came into the room real quick and gently play tapped his brother's shoulder. 

"You'll be here when I get back, right?" He tried to make it sound casual but we could all hear the deep rooted worry in his voice. 

"Yeah, I've learned my lesson." Adam quickly looked back to the cartoons, bringing me impossibly closer to him. I wasn't exactly sure why he was being so clingy today, but I sure wasn't complaining. I could only hope that he'd missed me as much as I'd missed him. 

We were finally left alone and sat in comfortable silence for two shows until my Ad spoke up again. 

"They're so different Benny." Was all he said in a broken voice and I just leaned up to offer him a kiss, unsure of how else to make him feel better. "I don't know how to act around them."

"You'll learn. You all will." I said confidently but inside I was worried sick. 

I just hoped my words somehow came true, for all of our sakes.


	3. We're Not Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Danny shows his support and Nina's a bitch.

Danny's POV  
My family was such a shit show.

I mean honestly, how was this even our life? I was still trying to process that I was _right_. The kid who'd been living with us, claiming to be my little brother, was a stranger, just like I'd said. I knew from the moment I'd seen him in that hospital bed that something was off, something was wrong. I hadn't felt that family connection, that big brother vibe I'd always gotten around my little bro. I may not be perfect, but I'd wanted to make damn sure that the random ass kid who'd shown up out of nowhere really was my brother. 

Being an unreliable drunk hadn't helped my case though, and the fact that my sister had _known_ and made me believe that I was going crazy anyway hurt deeper than I wanted to admit. So I did what I did best. Drank. 

But then this kid, who looked so much like the brother I'd lost came walking through that door and I knew instantly, before Ben even opened his mouth. This was my brother. There wasn't a doubt in my mind. He was angrier and more bitter but it was him. Adam. Ben had brought him home.

It was funny though, that the only person I even liked to be around in this house anymore was Ben, even though he lied straight to our faces every damn day. But every time I wanted to get mad at him all I could see was him sitting in that hospital bed, gross and painful looking scars crisscrossing his back. I figured if anyone had a right to go a little crazy it was him. Not my power hungry mom, my diabolical sister with sociopathic tendencies, or my cheating father. 

So that's why I only spent two hours at the bar that morning instead of most of the day. I kept thinking of Adam (the real Adam who finally came home), how he was constantly near Ben, holding him and kissing him and defending him and even yelling at dad because of him. I saw the slightly unstable look in his eyes and it scared me but was understandable, considering. Ben sometimes got this weird look in his eyes, but it was more of a trying not to have a mental breakdown look and not almost freaking homicidal. 

I totally wasn't judging them being together. I was all for loving who you love and really where else were they going to find comfort in their prison?

Not trying to be a dick (even though I usually was), but they werent going to find a lot of dates with the way they were. Damaged for life. Nobody would be able to understand what they had gone through, nobody could even come close. They only had each other. 

I downed one last drink and called a cab to go home, only slightly buzzed. Usually by noon on a Saturday I was already drunk. I had other priorities today. 

I arrived home and checked in the living room first, where I'd left them, and there they were. I couldn't help but feel relieved when I saw my little brother. Adam had fallen asleep but Ben was wide awake, wrapped in his sleeping friend's/boyfriend's arms. He noticed me right away and his eyes widened, getting that scared look they usually had. I kept a frown from my face, not wanting to scare him, and motioned for him to come into the kitchen with me. 

It took a few moments, but he eventually detangled himself from Adam's arms and followed me hesitantly, hiding his eyes behind his bangs. He'd refused to get it cut any shorter than it was now, only allowing a little trim of the tangled mess he'd had.

"Hey," I said, keeping my voice light. "I just wanted to talk for a sec."

He peeked up at me and relaxed at whatever he saw on my face. "Are you mad at me Danny?" 

His voice was always so soft, hesitant, broken. It was like he was afraid to speak up and I didn't want to think about why that was. I never wanted to think about what that sicko had done to my little brother and Ben. If I did I would be the one going crazy. 

"No, man." I shook my head slowly, head still a little spinny from the drinks. 

"Were you drinking again?" He asked in such an innocent voice before I could speak up and I cringed internally, like I always did when my alcoholism was brought up. I knew what I was, I just hated admitting it, hated what I had become. 

"Um.. yeah, but thats not what I wanted to talk about."

"Don't drink around Adam." I didn't know what I expected him to say but it wasn't that. 

"What?"

"The man, sometimes he would drink. He'd come down smelling like you do sometimes. He always wanted Adam when he was drunk, so whenever he came down smelling like that Adam would start crying." Ben noticed my horrified expression and quickly added, "He was a mean drunk though, not like you." 

"Shit." I choked out and ran a hand down my face. "I- I won't, I just, um, thanks for letting me know. _Shit_." 

He kept talking, eyes wide and heartbreakingly earnest. Like he was trying to make me feel better. "Adam talked about you all the time, even when we grew up. He always said he wanted to be just like you. He thought you were really cool.. He said when we got out that I'd love you too and... he talked about you guys a _lot_. I never got mad, but I was so jealous and when I finally escaped I just ended up here." He nodded again, eyes wide and I understood what he was doing. He knew what I was going to ask and answered me as best as he could. 

Hell, I really couldn't hate this kid. It was like trying to hate an abused puppy. 

"I guess I get it." I sighed, itching for another drink already but fuck. I was going to have to get rid of all the alcohol in the house. If Adam got near some of it and started to freak out I'd never forgive myself. As if I didn't have enough guilt already.

"He didn't blame you either." He was looking at me almost desperately. 

"What?" 

His clear blue eyes drilled into mine and it was hard to keep his intense gaze. "That day. I told Willa he didn't blame her, but he didn't blame you either. Not like John and Claire did. He always got sad about that, that you all would blame yourselves. He blamed himself."

My eyes grew wide at that, horror sinking in. No, Adam was the only innocent one in all of this. My brother... 

I cleared my throat and tried to blink away the wetness in my eyes. "Um, when did you get together?" I changed the subject, not sure I could handle any more of that talk. 

Ben tilted his head, eyes getting glassy. "Don't know. Adam's hair was touching his shoulders and it was sometime after his fourth haircut. We had jam that day and he taught me how to play chess." He got a weird mix of emotions on his face just then, like he was thinking of both a good and a bad memory. "Time was weird down there. I didn't know how old I was until I came here. I thought we were 16 near the end but Adam thought we were 20. He was closer. He was always smarter than me." 

"You love him?" I had to ask, had to know if this kid really did care about my brother, had to know that Adam had had at least something good in his 10 years in hell. 

Ben look me straight in the eyes and smiled, his entire face lighting up. "More than anyone."

I just nodded a gently squeezed his shoulder. "Good. That's good."

He turned around, about to head back to my sleeping brother but he stopped and looked back at me. "You know, Adam was right about you." At my confused frown he just offered a small half smile. "You're a really good brother. I'm sorry they made you hate yourself."

And then he left and I had to force my eyes to stop getting all wet. I couldn't cry, I wasn't the one who was allowed to cry. How could I, when those two kids deserved it more than anyone in this house. But then I thought back to Ben's words and felt a few wet drops on my face. 

Maybe... maybe just a few would be okay. 

Ben's POV

I slipped back into Adam's arms after my talk with Danny and they unconsciously slid around me. The older man really was a good person and I'd grown to look up to him. He was messed up but not in a horrible way. He was damaged, just like me. He wasn't perfect and that's what made him even better. At times, I'd fooled myself into believing that he was my big brother and that he was actually looking out for me. It had hurt so much to tell him the truth and now I was shocked that he was so willing to talk to me. That he didn't hate me. 

It made me mad to think about how Claire and John had hurt him so badly. In a way it was like what the bastard had done to me after Adam got hurt. He blamed me and kept telling me that it was my fault. That he wasn't the one who was responsible for Adam getting hurt, _I_ was. And I'd totally and completely believed him, even now. I still believed a lot of what he'd told me. And I knew Danny felt the same... he would always blame himself for what had happened to his brother. He'd already felt guilty leaving his siblings alone but then his parents had drilled into his head for years that it really was his fault. He'd thought he'd killed his own brother so he'd drowned his feelings in alcohol to numb the pain.

The body behind me shifted and I felt lips against my neck and smiled. "Morning sleepyhead." 

"Guess I was a little tired." He grumpily admitted and I understood. We'd never really had a bedtime before, had always just slept whenever we'd felt tired. He didn't always come when it was dark out, after all. And last night hadn't exactly been the best sleep of our lives, courtesy of my nightmare. 

"Anyone home?" 

"Danny just came back but I think he went to get a shower." Or at least I hoped, considering he smelled strongly of liquor. "Claire went outside, she's on the phone. She's governor now."

He couldn't help but smile at that, that his family was just a close distance away, easily within reach. This time, if he cried out, they would be able to hear. Theu would come. I thought back to all the times he'd cried out for them, in his dreams, in one of his rages, or while our friend was on top of him. He'd stopped eventually, though, once he realized they weren't coming to the rescue and had started crying out for me. 

What a worse disappointment I had been. 

"I love you." I blurted out, searching his eyes desperately. 

He got _that_ look in his eyes and sighed but kissed my forehead anyways. "I hate when you use that voice." Was his reply and I looked down, playing with a loose thread in the blanket. I knew what he meant but it wasn't something I could stop doing. I couldnt stop feeling this way, desperate and scared.. always scared.

The only time I ever felt settled was when I was in his arms. 

"I love you too, Ben." He sighed, but his voice was sincere. 

"Even though you're mad at me?" 

"Yeah. Even though I'm mad at you." He sat up and grabbed my hand and I followed his lead, my eyes never leaving his face. 

"So, tell me about the last few months. What's been going on here? Catch me up."

"Um, where do you want me to start?" I tilted my head in the way he'd always found adorable. 

He smiled and scoffed, flicking my forehead playfully. "Tell me about the police. They're obviously not very good, but you've been around them right?"

"Well," I got more settled into his side, knowing this would probably take a while. "Nina's the one who was on your case. She got the wrong guy and put him in jail for murdering you. It was your neighbor.. I feel bad for him. He's like our friend, I can tell from the way he looks at me, but he's different too. He doesn't want to hurt people. Nina and your dad had an affair, so she's not very nice either." 

"She slept with my dad?" Adam growled out. "When? When did it start?"

"Umm, I few months after our friend got you, I think. I overheard a lot of your mom and dad's fights."

He closed his eyes and took a calming breath. "Keep going. And stop calling him that Ben." I wanted to stop though, I hated hurting him and a lot of what I was going to tell him wasn't nice. .

"She's kind of mean. Whenever she came over to talk she was really pushy and made me talk about a lot of bad stuff. Even after all I told her she never caught him. It was the neighbor guy who realized who he was." 

Adam's eyes flickered. "Hank. He was the one who went to jail over me?" I nodded solemnly. "And you said he's a perv?" I nodded again and he let out a loud sigh. "That actually makes sense. No man wants to spend time with a kid unless it's because they're sick. But you said he's not like _him_?"

I shook my head, confident in that. It was obvious he was a total pervert but he didn't have the same look in his eyes as our captor. The bastard's were filled with a sadistic cruelty, while Hank's were full of regret, pain, and self hatred. He knew what he was and struggled with it, hated himself over it, but tried to resist it. The bastard had only ever embraced his sick desires. 

"Yeah.. yeah that makes sense too. That day in the park he told me we couldn't be friends anymore. He was trying to protect me."

"Willa and your mom wanted to get rid of me a few times... I kinda bribed them to let me stay." Adam looked troubled but then lifted his eyebrow in amusement. 

"You. You bribed them?" He laughed. "What the hell with?"

"I told your mom about you." His smile was wiped away and he swallowed thickly. 

"Ben... you said _he_ has been talking to you?" I nodded in confusion at the sudden change in topic. His jaw clenched and he stared into my eyes. "Tell me everything he did, everything he said."

"He, um, your mom had this speech thing but she didn't let me go. It was after she found out I wasn't you and was really mad at me... I ordered pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. He- he got in the house and just came right into my room, said we needed to talk and he made me-" My voice faltered and my breathing picked up unsteadily. "I couldn't do anything Adam, I froze again. I'm _sorry_."

He wiped my tears away with his thumb and pulled me closer to him, resting his head on top of mine. He was tense with rage but was trying to hold it back for me. I felt warm and safe again and my breathing evened out. The bastard wasn't here and Adam was back again to protect me from him. 

"He said he'd tell everyone I killed you if I helped them catch him. I was just so scared Ad, I didn't want to go to prison. I _like_ it here. I didn't want to go back in a cage."

"So you kept meeting him and didn't turn him in."

"I'm sorry- I just- he-"

"I know." His hand rubbed up and down my arms. "I know Ben, its okay. You were scared but you don't have to be anymore. I took care of him and he's not going to hurt either of us again. Don't even worry about him anymore."

I peeked up at him, flushing when he kissed me deeply upside down. "What do you mean?"

He smiled but it was more like a snarl, a baring of his teeth. "He won't be able to hurt anyone ever again. Not anymore. Just don't think about it."

I didn't like that look on his face and decided to not bring it up again. Adam only ever got like this when he was fantasizing about what he would do to our captor after he escaped. He never got very far into his fantasies, they'd always freaked me out to much and even though he hated how attached I was to the bastard he didn't push too much. 

I'd meant it when I said I wanted the man dead, but I also didn't want him hurt. It was confusing. 

Claire chose that moment to walk into the room. "Hello sweet boy." She came over and kissed her son's forehead gently. "Willa went to the police to explain the situation. It's going to be rough for the next few days but I don't want you to worry too much about it, okay?"

"Will you still be governor?" I asked curiously. I still didn't get politics but I knew this was going to cause a really big scene.

"I was elected into office. I'll have to give a speech, but we should be moving next week if everything goes smoothly." 

"They're not going to try and take Ben away, right?" Adam's eyes flashed dangerously. 

Claire brushed her hand across his short hair fondly. I still wasn't used to seeing him without dirty bangs falling across his face and I couldn't help but stare at the bald patch on the back of his head. The scar. _My fault_.

"Of course not sweety. They're not going to do anything to either of you. Besides, he's nineteen and legally there's not a thing they can do. He's too old to be placed back into foster care and he never really broke any laws."

Wait, I hadn't? Since when did stealing someone's identity count as legal?

"It's Willa who we're going to have to protect in this," Ohhh. "But we'll take care of it. I'll be damned if I let anyone else tear apart my family. Now, the cops will be here later today to get statement from all of us. It's time to get our stories straight. We'll start with the truth."

Adam and I looked at each other. It was going to be a long day. 

Luckily, I had gotten really good at hiding the truth.

__________________

"Hello, Adam. It's nice to finally meet you." Nina said, sitting across from us in the seat. I had a sudden sense of deja vu, back to the day of my "return". She was sitting just there, and there were a few other cops and people in the room and the therapist lady, just like today. I liked her, she was always real nice. The only difference was that now Adam sat next to me, sandwiched in between the Warren parents. 

"Yeah, Ben told me about you." He started in an angry voice and I hoped he could keep his temper in check until they left. Blowing up right now wouldn't help at all, just stick to the story. "Said you were assigned my case ten years ago. You did a really shit job on that, didn't you?" 

Everyone got a little tense at his words, especially the detective. 

"I promise you Adam, if I knew you were still out there I never would've stopped looking." I wondered if she actually meant that or if it was the guilt and embarrassment talking. 

"Yeah, well, you did. Me and Ben saved ourselves with no help from you. Never forget that. So let's cut the shit and get to the point."

"Okay." She said in a careful voice, trying to keep professional. "Before we begin I have to let you know that everything you say will be recorded as evidence. Let's start with you, Ben."

My eyes shot up to meet hers. 

"Can you tell me why you came here and pretended to be Adam?" 

"It was our back up plan." I said quietly. 

"What do you mean, back up plan?"

"Well, Adam always came up with these really good break out plans. He wanted to get us both out but... but we both knew it was just hope. If we both did, then he said we would both go to his family. That they'd take care of us. But we both knew only one of us would make it out at best. So he said that if I made it out and he didn't, to go to his family. To tell them I was him."

"I thought it was a good idea." Adam spoke up. "My family got me back and Ben would get a family."

"Okay." Nina said, taking a few notes. "And what about if just you that got out, Adam?"

"Then I'd make sure the world knew about him. I wouldn't let him be left behind.. not ever." 

A few more notes jotted down and I felt a soothing hand grab my shoulder. A quick glance confirmed it was John and he gave me a quick squeeze before letting go and I couldn't even describe how good that felt. He'd just been sitting there quietly the whole time, ever since he came home, but now I couldn't see anymore anger on his face. Knowing that he didn't hate me anymore lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders.

"Can you tell me why you were you left behind, Adam?" 

"I wasn't." He snapped at her and the therapist grew a bit concerned. "Ben.. he thought I was dead."

"What happened?" She asked more insistently in that cold hearted way of her's. I really didn't like her. 

"All our escape plans failed. Try to dig a hole and there's a damn steel wall, try to charge him and he beat us down, try to catch him off guard while.. seducing him and he chained us up." Claire's face screwed up at that and she clutched onto Adam's leg tighter. "So our last try. I drew him in close and strangled him, but.."

"I choked." I really hoped this was the last time I had to relive this. I just wanted to forget it forever and live with the Warrens and try not to remember the past. "I didn't get the key and then they fought and then Adam's head was bleeding and there was so much blood." A few tears fell down my face and they weren't faked, I really really hated reliving this. 

"Adam got really sick after that and he wouldn't wake up. Then _he_ took Adam away and said he died. I was so mad and then he was going to try to replace him and I escaped. I just wanted to tell his family that he'd died but then I remembered the plans we'd made."

I couldn't tell if she was buying this or not. We were sticking to a lot of the truth (every great lie was wrapped in it) so hopefully she couldn't tell which parts were real or fake. 

"Adam," She switched her focus to him. "What happened after that man took you away? How'd you make your way back home if you were really that injured?" 

Actually, I was curious about that too. 

" _He_ was taking care of me."

I looked at him in shock, not able to hold back my sudden feeling of disbelief, betrayal, rage. Our friend had lied to me! He let me believe that Adam was dead when he knew that he was alive. I'd thought I killed my best friend!

"Took me a while to get better but he had all this medical shit. Even had me hooked up to a damn IV, don't even ask me where he got it from. I was in and out for a while before that woman found me, guess it was his wife. It was a few weeks ago. She helped me get even better and then helped me escape a few days ago. Don't look for her." He told Nina, looking her dead in the eyes. "She finally got out. Just leave her alone."

There was no response to that besides the scratch of pen on paper. I hated that sound.

"Ben. They did a DNA test and it came up positive. Now. I would ask the scientist who ran it but he committed suicide a few days after. Would you happen to know just why he would fake a positive result?"

I gave her my best innocent, wounded, wide eyed, abuse victim look. "I didn't even know what DNA was until a few months ago." And that wasn't exactly a lie. Mine and Adam's school knowledge was at a ridiculously low level. Only our math and reading skills were at a high school level while every other subject- science, vocabulary, history- was at middle school level, or even below that. The bastard loved keeping our intelligence extremely limited, mentally kept as children forever. 

"I'm sorry but I don't know why he would've faked my test thing. It's too bad you can't ask him." I kept my voice childlike and earnest. If I couldn't fool her then I'd at least go for the therapist. She was a total sucker for the poor kidnapped kid thing. Not that I was exactly acting, but Claire had told me to play it up so I was doing my best. 

And yeah, Nina deffinitely wasn't buying that. But there wasn't much she could do. Willa had given the man his money in cash so there was no electronic trails to follow and what he'd done with the money and why he'd killed himself were total mysteries. Best left unsolved. 

"Is this just about done? I'd like to spend time with my family and these boys have been through enough." Bless Claire, she was so good at sounding like someone who demanded to be listened to. 

"Almost." Nina said in a softer voice and looked at me and Adam, getting an odd look on her face 

"We caught him. He won't be hurting anyone again but I have to ask. Why did you lie to us Ben? You know it's very serious to hinder a police investigation"

I swallowed thickly and this part wasn't exactly a lie. "I was scared." 

She got more intense, voice raising with each word. "No. That can't have been it. There has to be a better reason. He held you for years and tortured you-"

"Hey!" John shouted in my defense. 

My breathing picked up. 

"And raped you-" 

My heart started racing. 

"I think that's enough for today!" The therapist tried to stop the stupid cop from talking but she was on a roll. 

My hands started to shake. 

"And made you think your friend was dead. He hurt you every day, Ben. You had to have wanted revenge! Unless you really didn't want him behind bars, maybe you were a little too attached-" My breathing kept getting quicker and quicker and on that last word I visibly flinched. "Maybe you ended up loving your rapist and-" That's when everything happened really fast. 

Adam shouted at her to shut up and he grabbed my face, forcing me to look at him and away from her. I could vaguely hear Claire shouting at Nina to leave the house and that she was lucky if we didn't press charges for harassment. John was ushering everyone else out of the house. Danny rushed into the room when he'd heard all the shouting and was trying to help his dad get everyone the hell out, wondering what the heck had went so wrong.

"Hey, focus on me Ben. Focus on my breathing. In, out, come on. You're good, don't think about anything but me." Sweet, familiar words were all I could hear and I smelled the scent of home, of happiness and I slowly relaxed. 

I started sobbing into Adam's shoulder, his strong arms wrapping around me and rocking me back and forth slightly. We'd been in this position too many times to count over the years, always for the same reason. I knew how fragile I was but more importantly Ad knew too. He knew just how attached to our friend I really was and every time I was faced with either the harsh truth or when my tentative reality became threatened, I started to panic. I couldn't face the truth. Only he could calm me down. 

"He okay, dude?" Danny asked, worry all over his face and Adam looked at him and his parents over my shoulder, face dark. 

"No. He's never gonna be okay." He clenched his jaw. 

"Neither of us are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry if I get any details wrong or anything. I know nothing about politics and my knowledge of police procedure comes from Bones. Be gentle on me. 
> 
> Comments help a lot, let me know what you think so far. Suggestions, helpful criticism, anything. (:


	4. Are you okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's wrong with Ben? What's up with Adam?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Sexual content in first half of flashback if you wanna skip it
> 
> Thanks for the positive feedback! I'm on break now so updates should be more frequent. 
> 
> Let me know what you think! I had bad writers block but now I have a good idea for the main plot (:

Danny's POV

There was nothing pleasant about seeing a broken kid break down even more. How could I have never seen it before? We'd all pushed off the thoughts of what had happened to Ad-Ben-god that was going to take some getting used to- but pretending it didn't exist didn't make him okay.. didn't make his memories go away. 

I look at my little brother (still, holy SHIT) holding onto the shaking boy tightly with the saddest look on his face. He was doing it with a practiced ease though, like he'd done this so many times that it was just second nature and damn did that just send a sharp pain through my chest. 

"How'd they even catch the guy?" I couldn't help but wonder out loud quietly, trying not to upset Ben even more but he seemed to be in his own world right now. 

"They found a dead little boy in his yard..."  
Claire said quietly and Adams head shot up to look at her, unconsciously tightening his arms around his... whatever. Friend, brother, lover, fuck it they didn't need a label. 

"Well, yeah, but how'd they catch him?" 

"Me." Adam's face was dark and dangerous, almost making me uncomfortable. I remembered him as such a sweet kid, the picture of happiness and innocence. He'd grown up with an almost dark side but I tried not to think about it. Of course he would be different now. Two broken boys came out of that hole but they were broken in two very different ways.

"Adam?" Mom asked, confused.

He frowned but looked at Ben, rubbing his back absent-mindedly. "I couldn't let him get away with it, I had to stop him. Since he loved his dick so much I just thought it'd be the perfect way to end it. Knew he'd never stop so I-"

"Adam?" The way his entire position changed when Ben spoke up would've been cute if his words didn't leave the room with a dark vibe, sending chills down my spine.

 

Ben's POV

I could hear Adam talking to his family but the words weren't processing. I was thinking about what Nina said, that they'd caught our friend but I knew he was way too smart to have let that happen without a fight. The only way they could've got him...

"Adam?" I interrupted, feeling that weird mixture of concern and self disgust because I knew I shouldn't feel this way. 

"What is it Benny?" He cut off mid sentence, immediatly looking at me in concern, rubbing my back. 

I bit my lip but couldn't stop the words from rushing out. "What...what did Nina mean? They caught him but... is he okay?"

I felt everyones eyes staring at me and Ad stiffened but gave me that look again. God I hated that look cause I knew it meant he knew how broken I was but I couldn't help it. Our friend was a bastard but... 

"I told you not to worry about that Ben. Just listen to me, okay? Don't think about him anymore, only me. Only us." He combed his fingers through my hair gently and I sucked on my lip but listened. It was.. I could do that. Maybe it was better that I just didn't know. But the thought of _him_ being hurt, of never seeing him again.. No. I had Adam. I had Adam and he told me not to worry about our friend so that's all I had to do. Not listening to Ad always ended badly.

He always knew what to do, he was so damn smart and I wished I was more like him but I knew he'd always protect me, especially now. 

I nodded obediently and he smiled gently, taking my hand. "Mom, do you think we could go get something to eat?" 

"You know what?" She smiled and clapped her hands suddenly. "Why don't we have a family movie day? We can order pizza, pineapple and pepperoni, your favorite!"

"No!" I shouted as I couldn't stop the shiver that went through me, thinking of what happened the last time I'd had that.. The family gave me a really strange look but I was so used to that by now that it didn't even phase me. Adam, however, still felt slightly uncomfortable under so many stares. 

"Um, how bout Chinese or something?" Adam mumbled, still playing with my hair. 

"No problem Chief." His dad said, faking enthusiasm and I was grateful they didn't push it. I didn't want to lie to them anymore but this was something I just didn't want to even think about. 

And on that note we settled in, no talk of tragedy or sadness or lies or the past. Just funny movies and laughter and warm food. I snuggled against my warm protector and before I knew it my eyes were closed and my world went dark. 

_Flashback_

"Stop, fucking bastard, get off me. No! Get off-" Words were cut off and I watched with teary eyes as our friend's hand wrapped around Adam's throat, cutting off any protest. The smell of booze filled the air and the rapid slapping of skin on skin echoed in the small bunker. 

Adam was crying, clawing at the hands around his throat and flailing as hard as he could, trying to stop the painful game. Just stop it Adam, it hurts the more you fight. Why was he still fighting so hard? 

His choked off screams of agony made me hug my legs closer to my chest and bite my lip hard enough to taste blood. Why couldnt that be me? I could handle it better than Ad could but I couldn't do anything. I'd had my turn last night. I just had to sit here and watch my friend brutalize my favorite person. I couldn't look away, Adam had made me promise to keep looking so when it got to be too much he could look over at me, to know that I was here for him. He said it made him feel braver but I wasn't sure how. I knew I was a coward, how could I make him feel better?

Finally the man gave one final grunt and scream, collapsing on Adam while holding him too tightly in his strong arms and my brother turned his head just in time to lock eyes with me before the man's head pinned his to the ground. They were filled with pain and horror and he looked at me desperately and I knew this was the part he hated the most. The pain was terrible but feeling our friend's pleasure inside his body was even worse somehow, to know he took such joy out of so much agony. The man let out another groan and grinded against Adam's ass slowly and deeply, making the young boy whimper and cry even harder. Those strong arms grabbed Adams hands as he wrapped his arms under his neck, effectively making sure he was properly pinned and couldn't fight back at all. 

I didn't look away from my best friend's eyes, even though I was sobbing almost as hard as him. I wanted to jump up and push the bastard off of Ad and beat him so hard until he felt a fraction of what he'd put the younger boy through. But I knew that was a fool dream. I'd get pushed to the ground, beaten, and then whipped. Experience taught me that. 

They stayed like that for a good while longer before the man let out one final sigh before pulling out of the traumatized boy, giving a deceptively gentle kiss to the back of his neck. He slapped Adam's ass, causing a shrill scream when the boy instinctively clenched, irritating his torn asshole. The sob he let out made my chest hurt. The man just chuckled fondly.

The bastard came over to me and tilted my head up. He tapped my lips and I screwed my eyes shut, opening my mouth slowly. I tried not to flinch when I felt him spit straight into my mouth and carefully kept the disgust off my face as I closed my mouth and swallowed it. He smirked before crushing his lips to mine brutally, twisting his hand in my hair so he could manipulate my head to whichever angle he pleased. I didn't put up a fight and responded just how I knew he liked it. He tasted like alcohol. When his tongue thrusted into my mouth I sucked and nibbled in the places I'd been taught to and he finally drew back with a blissed out smile on his face, caressing my lips with his thumb. He shoved it into my mouth and I did the same as before, sucking and biting gently. At least now his focus was on me and Adam could rest. Sometimes he would bring extra toys and hurt Adam even when his pleasure had been released inside his body and the only joy he got was from seeing Adam suffer even more.

The only time I fought back was when he used some of those horrible toys on me. 

"Such good boys for me, especially you. Always my perfect little slut." He shoved other fingers in my mouth while his other hand snaked its way up my baggy shirt, twisting my nipple so harshly I let out a sharp whimper and he twisted it even further until I got the message and focused all my attention on the salty, dirty fingers in my mouth, sucking them like they were the most important thing in my life. He started kissing the side of my neck, biting down so hard the skin broke but I only let out a few tears in response, not daring to stop my job. He stopped suddenly and grabbed my hair, forcing me to look in his eyes. 

"Tell me Ben. Tell me."

"I'm yours." I whispered and he waited for the rest, sliding one hand into my pants so he could grasp my balls, gently kneading them but I knew that grip could easily bring pain if I didn't say exactly what I'd been taught to. "I'm your little boy. I'm a slut for your dick. Thank you for taking care of me. I'm your whore, you're the only one w-who cares about me..." The grip tightened slightly. "A-nd I l-love you." I rushed out, letting out a sigh of relief when he kissed my forehead gently before pushing me to lay down on my dirty mattress. 

"Take care of your brother." Was all he said before he walked to the door, throwing me the key to our bracelets. 

I quickly unlocked mine and went over to Adam to do the same and he was still crying terribly, choking on his own sobs. Our friend was usually rougher with Adam but tonight he seemed especially angry, taking it all out on his favorite target. 

"B-b-ben. B-ben." Adam whispered brokenly, shaking hand coming to grasp mine tightly. I brushed the sweaty hair away from his forehead and tried to dry some of his tears but they just wouldn't stop. He kept saying my name. My chest hurt so bad. 

I went to get our first aid kit, modified by our friend to fit our special injuries. I was pretty sure normal ones didn't have enema supplies and ass cream.

""I need you to roll over Ad, okay? I'll make it better. Just like always, yeah?" 

I worked as gently as I could and when I was done I just laid next to Adam, kissing his forehead and just holding him until he cried himself to sleep. 

And eventually... I did too. 

\-------time lapse---------

"Grab the key!! Ben!!" Adam shouted desperately and my mind was screaming at me to listen to him, I could see him losing the struggle because our friend was so much more stronger than us but my body was frozen and all I could feel was a horrible pain in my chest and stomach. I loved Adam so much and wanted him to be free but I couldn't go against our friend.. My internal struggle took too long and before I knew it there was a sickening crunch and then Adam, my precious Adam, was lying limply on the floor, bright red blood quickly making a pool around his damaged head. 

_Nonononono. NO!!!!!_

"This isn't on me.." The words echoed in the small bunker, clawing their way deep into the darkest parts of my mind where they made their home, never to leave again. This... this was on _me_. 

I stared brokenly at my motionless brother-lover-everything until I heard a key being thrown at me and the heavy metal door slam shut. "A-Adam?" I choked out in a whisper. 

No answer. 

" _Adam??_ " Louder now, more desperate. 

I shuffled closer to him, staring at the ugly, gaping wound through blurry, watering eyes. "God, no, please wake up Adam. I'm so sorry please please wake up I promise I'll be better, I promise I'll listen. Adam? Answer me, please wake up.." I couldn't stop my desperate pleas even when my voice got choked up and I couldn't see through all my tears but I took his hand as gently as I could and laid down next to him, not caring if his blood stained my skin. 

It should've been me! Adam was - _is_ \- so much better than me in every way and I was nothing compared to him. We should've been on our way to freedom but now he'd never see daylight again, wouldn't see his family or eat French toast or-

No! God, Adam, please come back to me!

Time passed so much more slowly than it usually did but I just wanted to lay here forever, next to Adam and waste away just like I deserved. My friend had other ideas. 

Eventually I heard the door creak open and the familiar call. "Bracelet." 

I robotically followed his instructions, blank faced except for the tears which just wouldn't stop. After I tossed the key he came down but I panicked when he went near Ad. 

"Stop! Don't hurt him anymore!" I tried to surge forward but the chain yanked me back sharply and I was forced to watch as my friend gathered my Adam into his arms and without a word take him away from me. 

"No- no please stop! Dont take him away, please. He's fine, he'll wake up. Please, Adam! No, Adam, come back! ADAM!"

_Present_

I woke up screaming to the feeling up being pinned down by strong arms. I panicked and lashed out as hard as I could, terrified that I was back home, that this was a dream and that my Adam was still dead and I'd be all alone and-

"Ben! Benny, babe, stop it! You're safe."

My vision cleared and I immediatly went limp with relief when I saw Ad's face hovering above mine. There was also Danny's but all I could focus on was this beautiful boy's, the memory of it unconscious and soaked with blood so clear in my mind.

"Shhhh Ben, its okay. I'm here, it's okay. Calm down." He gathered me up in his lap and stroked my hair while I buried my head in his neck, breathing in the smell of home, giving it the softest of kisses.

"Is he okay?" I heard Willa ask but it went unanswered, Adam's focus was all on me. 

"Babe, just breath. Wanna talk about it?" 

"Memory. I didn't listen to you. He took you away." Was all I could manage, pulling back so I could look into his pretty eyes. They always looked so warm and caring and full of life. Not like _his_ , which were so cold and heartless. 

"I'm here now Benny, don't worry. Just feel me, yeah?" He grabbed my hand and put it over his heart so I could feel the constant, steady thudding that promised my Adam was still here, alive and finally well despite my major fuck up. "I won't ever let someone take me away from you again, okay? You trust me, right?"

His eyes pierced into mine and I nodded without hesitation. I trusted Adam more than anyone, even myself. 

"Should we call the therapist?" Claire asked and I knew she was just trying to be helpful but I shook my head quickly. I hated the stupid therapist, even if she was nice. I didn't like strangers and couldn't open up to her. All I needed was Ad and now I had him and I could just talk to him. He knew how to help me better than the doctor ever could. 

"Mom, can I have some money to go out?" Adam asked suddenly. "I think me and Ben need to be alone for a little." Oh irony. Was that irony? I felt like it was but I wasn't sure how Adam could ask that of his family. To let him walk off into the world alone with the boy he'd spent the last 10 years with. Without them. 

If anything he should've been wanting to ditch me and go out with them. Usually I could tell what Ad was thinking without a problem but now I had no clue. His face gave away nothing. 

"Are you sure Chief? You don't want us to come?"

"I'm not sure that's a good idea sweetie." Claire said in a trembling voice. 

"We're going with or without your permission." Ad's voice came out slightly cold and... angry? 

He was confusing me. 

There was an awkward silence before Claire spoke up in a tightly controlled tone. "I'll just get my purse darling"

I looked up at Adam and there was a strange glint in his eyes before he looked down at me and it was gone in an instant, now warm and protective and much more familiar. 

I knew him better than anyone though, and something was definitely off.


End file.
